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Before Covid, I had never spent an entire month at home because of the nature of school and work. So when everything closed down and we had to stay at and work from home, it was not an easy transition.

The first few days were blissful and everyone was in love with each other but a month later, the trajectory had changed. For me, especially, it threatened my mental health and the progress my therapist and I had made. Seeing as I am an introvert and by default not confrontational in any capacity, I kept bottling up stuff, taking offense and spreading cheer like confetti in a birthday party. In my head, I just needed to survive upto whenever the regulations would be lifted then I’d get back on track.

I felt alone most of the time, in a home that was full of people. I spent most of my time in my room and found new hobbies to try out. I didn’t eat much, partly because I just didn’t want to be around people but mostly because of what I was going through in the hands of a family member (story for another day). I had no one to talk to and couldn’t get myself to go in for a session, partly because of the distance, mostly because none of my family members knew I was in therapy. So stuff piled up, I cried a lot and somehow, my shower time turned into worship and prayer sessions

Feeling alone, unseen and unsupported separated me from everyone else, but instead of going down a road I knew all too well, I drew closer to God. I remember one evening after I had overheard some hurtful conversation starring yours truly, I snapped and went bazark on the storyteller. Before I knew it, I was in tears and shouting at the top of my voice, trying to use my words to inflict pain on them. By the time the whole fiasco was being managed, I was in a pool of bitterness, hurt and pain. I can recall leaving that room and contemplating a peaceful, self inflicted exit.

Somehow, I walked right into my bathroom, stripped naked, turned on the shower and fell to the floor weeping in prayer. For two hours or so, I stayed on that cold floor. I asked a lot of questions. I asked God why it was happening like that. I asked for grace for the season. I asked for help and a shoulder. I could hear someone bang on my bedroom door but I didn’t care. My heart was heavy, I did not have it in me to pull a fake smile. I just needed God to pull a 180 on my situation because I was headed down a very dangerous path.

When God spoke, it was very clear. It was a season of separation for me. I was walking into a season of isolation. I did not like my odds. It was not going to be easy, but God needed me to be separated from a place of comfort because given a chance to do it by myself, I would easily choose to stay in my warm cocoon. It was my Isaiah 43:19 season. He was trying to do a new thing in and through me. In order to accomplish that and get me where He wanted me to be, He had to isolate me.

At the time, it made zero sense. For me it felt like I was being punished, for what I couldn’t even understand. However, looking back at 2020 and where I stand in 2021, it was for my own good. It may have not come about how I expected or even would have wanted it to go down, but it all worked out and I am better for it. I, like many human beings, do not fancy change at all and God needed me to move so that I can experience Him in a different way and be on the path to fulfilling my life’s purpose.

Thinking about this, especially today, after a weekend of disappointment after disappointment has reminded me of a God whose grace is sufficient for whichever season we are in. Walking into September, I made a declaration of a September of Restoration from a scripture I had read πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½

“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…”

Joel 2:25 πŸ“œ

My emotions have been all over the place today, wondering what my next step will be and how to handle the curve balls. God’s word reminds me that His Grace is sufficient, His power is made perfect in my weakness and therefore I should immerse myself in worship and praise. He will restore ten, a hundred even a thousand fold; I just need to believe in Him. Besides, His track record in my life, so far, has been pretty spectacular. He hasn’t failed me yet and He won’t start now πŸ€—

My prayer for you, dear reader, is that this month will be a month of tremendous recompense for the pain, hurt, losses, disappointments, worries, doubts, failures and shame you have dealt with in the past. I pray that God will restore a thousand fold for you and I, even as we look forward to enjoying this month, despite the mountains facing us.

Happy new month, belatedly so, full of God’s grace and thousand fold restoration! ❀



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